Pt 1: My Lips Miss Your Ears Hearing Me Call Your Name
Togawa rolled over, barely awake, and with no effort to mask his ardency, exhaled, “Let me touch you.”
That morning marked the first time they were able to wake up together in their new apartment. Shima felt a chill. Kyoto winters were known to be harsh, but not nearly as harsh as the Hokkaido winters Togawa endured growing up. Shima got a two-day of taste of Togawa’s youth when they took a detour to Togawa’s aunt and uncle’s house on the way to their new place.
Although the bedroom was heated, the snow that had collected on the exterior window ledge made Shima shiver just to see it. Hoping to counter his own anxiety, Shima shimmied back just a little to secure himself against the warmth that was beckoning him. “Um…,” he hesitated, “H-How’s this?” Togawa’s eyebrow raised at the unprecedented response.
“That’s nice, but I was thinking something more along the lines of…” Togawa’s trailing off forced a concentrated stream of moist air onto Shima’s nape. The tickling sensation startled him just a bit and provoked a different kind of chill. Shima was contemplating whether he wanted to contain the feeling or let his body react, so he didn’t have time to brace himself for the hot hand that firmly palmed his lower back and side. Togawa applied a gentle pressure–something like a massage–while he drummed his fingers on Shima’s now trembling flesh.
“Togawa-sa–,” Shima reflexively objected.
Togawa slid his hand down Shima’s hip; his lagging thumb traced a line down the poplin fabric that covered a clenched cheek and came to rest just under. With splayed fingers the hand drew back up the hip, continued up the side, glided over the abdomen, and flicked a nipple on it’s way over the shoulder to softly dragging a single finger down the spine. Shima arched away from the increasing heat, releasing a moan in the process. At the end of the trail, Togawa hooked his finger into the waist of Shima’s boxers and pulled them off.
“Shima, can I touch you here?” Togawa whispered. The last word reached Shima’s ear just as a determined hand slipped between his thighs from behind and began to cajole more blood into his quickly swelling erection. “Don’t pull away, Shima. Let me touch you.”
It had been a month since Togawa moved so that he could take up his new position at the main branch. Shima would have relocated at the same time, but with all of the work involved in getting a replacement for Onoda, the search for Shima’s replacement was postponed. Togawa grew antsier by the day. It took a lot, A LOT, of convincing–unrelenting waves of pleasure and emotion in the form of kissing and sucking and grinding and Togawa literally shoving his “I love you’s” down Shima’s throat–to get Shima to move with him. It would have been easier if Shima wasn’t still holding onto his reservations about their relationship in general. He knew there was a chance that, in his absence, Shima could decide not to follow him after all. It was a 2-minute conversation with Onoda that sent Togawa over the edge. Three days later, he had somehow convinced one of the Kyoto office’s Systems section employees to switch places with Shima. The guy was a seasoned and much respected worker, so Kanezaki and Onoda had no reason to oppose Togawa’s suggestion, no matter how left field it was. Despite his desire to be with Togawa, Shima was thoroughly embarrassed by the turn of events.
After a full day of travelling and a night spent unpacking, Shima and Togawa were too exhausted to do anything but sleep the night before. Togawa tried anyway, but only got as far as removing his and Shima’s shirts. So, this morning, Togawa fully intended to make up for it. Now flat on his back with Togawa’s heat seeping into him, Shima wore a full-body blush. He didn’t resist when Togawa settled himself between his legs and pushed his thighs up with his own. This position–where his legs arched over Togawa’s legs; where his rear hovered over the space bounded by Togawa’s thighs; and where there was an unobstructed view of his hardened anticipation–made Shima feel completely exposed; he hated it. He would usually work his way onto Togawa’s lap, holding him close to create a hollow between their torsos, but this time Shima thought it was pointless to put effort towards anything other than receiving him. And he did want to receive him.
“I missed you, Shima. Shima,” Togawa said as he saw his lover fighting embarrassment, “look at me. Did you miss me? Did you miss me, Shima?” Togawa reached for Shima’s face to turn it towards him, but Shima caught the hand in his and began to kiss each finger. “Thank you. I know you were scared, so thank you for coming,” Togawa said as he brought Shima’s hands to his own lips.
Letting one of his hands fall back to hide what he thought must have been a most shameful expression, Shima stuttered, “I-I’m still scared; I don’t want to end up being a bother to you, b-but no matter what, I still want to be with you, even if it’s just until–” Shima’s confession was interrupted by a heart-stopping kiss. The feeling of Togawa’s tongue going from soft to rigid and back again made Shima melt; he wanted more. Shima reciprocated by sucking on the tongue and lips that were trying to devour him.
Togawa pulled away to look into the eyes of the man laying beneath him. “There’s no ‘even if’.” Togawa said as he closed in again. “There is no ‘just until.’ It’s ‘only,’ Shima. ‘No matter what, I only want to be with you.’ Say it for me, Shima.” Togawa kissed his plea from Shima’s ear down to his collarbone. Shima let go of Togawa’s hand and moved his other hand to cover his face as well. Togawa kissed his knuckles and, like a dog begging for attention, nudged them with his nose. As he urged Shima on by licking the crease that formed where the sides of his palms met, Togawa spotted an opening below the heels of the shaking hands. Shima flinched when he felt Togawa’s tongue follow the curve of the underside of his bottom lip. And while the touch seemed to linger, the tongue wasted no time before it moved on to caressing the full of the lip; the invocation elicited feverish moans from Shima. “Say it, please.”
The full-body blush turned into a deep shade of crimson. Shima could hold out no longer. He reached his arms around Togawa’s neck and pulled him in for a kiss. “Togawa-san, Togawa-san,” Shima repeated between inhalations and kisses.
The greedy kisses he received made him fully erect. Togawa reach for the jar of warming gel. After coating his fingers, he pulled his hand back near his groin and groped the air until he felt one of the two smooth, firm mounds of flesh that he was looking for. His index finger explored until it found where the mounds met. He pressed the appendage into the crevice to seek out Shima’s hidden chamber; as soon as he found it, he wanted to shove his finger in, but instead teased the brink. At Togawa’s insistence, Shima’s hips writhed. When the pucker began to soften, Togawa slipped one finger in. It pushed into the constricting muscles and then pulled at the opening, working every angle to loosen things up. When the womb-like cavity began to give, Togawa pushed in a second finger and he began to draw circles inside Shima to help stretch him out. When one of his knuckles grazed a good spot, Shima’s whole body bucked. Shima immediately wrapped his legs around Togawa’s waist and tried to motivate him from behind. The effort was futile. It was tough for him, too, but Togawa decided not to go any further until Shima said what he wanted to hear.
“I want to hear you say–”
“I can’t,” Shima cried. “There’s nothing after that.”
“What do you mean ‘nothing’? There’s “us” after that,” Togawa contended, feeling himself go a bit soft.
Trying to allay the pounding of his heart, Shima heaved, “I-If I say that and you… you change your mind, then… What do I do then? I don’t… know…”
Togawa leaned in, coming nose to nose with the uneasy form that lay in his shadow. “Shima, you do want to be with me, right?” Togawa implored. “You want to be here with me, right, Shima? He gently brushed the tears away from the corners of Shima’s eyes. Not knowing what to say next, he gathered Shima in his arms and brought him upright to a position he knew the younger man felt more comfortable with.
Shima was afraid to give voice to his desire. Feeling that even the slightest utterance would only serve to compound his heartbreak ten-fold if things did not work out; he could do nothing, but cry. Shima’s body stiffened when he felt Togawa’s embrace tighten and then, just as quickly, relaxed when he heard a low and mellow voice say, “I love you. I can’t express how happy I am that you are here with me now. I don’t know what I would have done if you had changed your mind. But Shima, now that you are here, I’m not letting you go.”